Ryleigh's first birthday is coming up in about 3 weeks. I cannot believe it!! It seems like yesterday that I began this blog, journaling our journey through the adoption process!
I've been fairly weepy the past week or so. Could it be because I had a hysterectomy 3 weeks ago and it's a hormonal thing?? Maybe, but I don't think so.
Everyday, I've been thinking back to one year ago...what was I doing that day last year in anticipation of Ryleigh's arrival? Ryleigh was actually due in June (but she waited until July!), so each day we were on pins and needles.
Last year was without a doubt one of the most stressful years of our lives. I almost lost my husband in the spring to a parasite that got in his blood stream. After 9 days in the hospital being treated by 5 specialists, he was able to come home but spent 2 months in recovery in his recliner. For 2 months I slept alone and I nursed my husband and prayed (begged!) God to spare his life. All the while, I was trying to get to know our birth mom by myself, etc.
Then in June last year, my in-law's came for a visit. My MIL went with me to a DR's visit so she could hear the baby's heartbeat plus meet our birth mom. Before we even got into the building, my MIL fell and broke her knee and we were bombarded with a trauma team and crash cart, the whole 9-yards!
She then spent the next 20+ days recovering on our couch while my FIL slept on a mattress in the nursery....did I mention he was going through chemo at the time???
All of the above situations combined did not equal the stress I felt while waiting for Ryleigh to come...would the birth family change their minds? could God really be answering a prayer I'd prayed for 15 YEARS?? So many fears. So many doubts.
But here we are, one year later.
I still hold Ryleigh at night sometimes and cry. I hold her and rock her, sobbing, "Thank You Jesus" over and over. At times the depth of gratitude I feel to God feels like a physical ache in my heart. If you haven't experienced 15 years of infertility and ovarian disease and pain, then you won't understand the depth of my gratitude to God for this miracle He's given me.
I can remember many years back when the pain of infertility consumed my life. I told my husband one evening that I had to get a hold of God and get some peace and that I was going to the bedroom to pray and would not come out until I got peace, else I be totally consumed by the pain and die from brokenness.
I went to our bedroom and lay face down in the carpet. I remember there being 4 stages to my prayers and not because I planned it that way but I remember each change in my attitude washing over me like an ocean wave. My prayers started out with the WHY? and then I got ANGRY. I reminded God that I lived for Him, served Him, worshiped Him, went to church every time the doors were open, paid my tithe. WHY wouldn't He give me the desires of my heart??? I railed and railed at God. And He TOOK it and He loved me anyway. Then I became repentant for my attitude and prayed for forgiveness. Then, I remember surrendering my will to God. I finally came to the place in my prayer that I was able to say I would love God, live for God, worship God, go to church every time the doors are open and pay my tithe...even if He never gave me a child.
Ten years went by and I felt tested many times. When I struggled with the pain of barrenness, I would remember the place where I met God those years before and would find peace once again.
We brought our miracle from God home from the hospital on our 15th wedding anniversary. We had planned on taking a big trip...Australia?... to celebrate our anniversary, but then we found out about Ryleigh...so, instead of jetting to Australia, we ate hospital food and fed a hungry baby every 2 hours. And, we wouldn't have had it any other way!
Now here we are, with a little one running all over the place! Taking care of a baby is one of the hardest things I've ever done! But, the most rewarding by far!
I'm busier than ever now and don't have a lot of time to update this blog, so I'm wondering if this might be one of the last posts? I'll definitely post about her 1st birthday, but beyond that, we'll see.
After all, this blog was started to chronicle our adoption journey and what a journey it was!
Here are some pix I took of her in her birthday dress. Enjoy!
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